It is crazy to think that in just a few weeks, you will be walking into a big elementary school, getting ready to start a new chapter in your life. This new chapter involves less of me, and a whole lot more strangers. You have picked out your clothes, dinosaur backpack, horse lunch bag. We will go get our nails painted and have a fun mom-daughter day before the big first day! You will pick out which shoes, socks, and clothing you want to wear for your first day of school. We will decide how you want your hair done. ***So far, it has been a whole lot of you and me in life. We have gone on road trips, libraries, museums, parks, ice cream shops, restaurants, mommy and me classes. We have had so many fun adventures together. You get to ride Sugar (horse) every single week as I have stood in the arena, cheering you on, so full of pride. I hope we are still able to go on lots of adventures together after this new phase of life starts. I hope you do not think you are too cool for your parents. Please, oh please, get to middle school before this happens. Some day I will pull you out of school unannounced, and we will spend a day together, doing things we both love to do.
I will cry lots over the next 12 years, especially on your first day of Kindergarten, but most likely every year that you advance in school. As your dad and I walk out of that big building in Ashland, NE I will wonder where my baby has gone. I will wonder how we went from your NICU graduation, to you walking, talking, eating solids for the first time, so fast. I will probably have the next 12ish years pass before my eyes too. Think about your high school graduation all the way to moving you into the Dorms at College, possibly watching you leave to serve a mission for 18 months, to your wedding. Your last 5 1/2 years of our life together will pass through my memory as I walk to our car in tears. I was so terrified to hold you for the first time. Remembering the beeping of all the machines and monitors, the IV's, the entire NICU stay. The pain in my surgical incision was great, but the pain in my heart, having to sit by and being able to do nothing to help my tiny baby, was worse than any surgery scar. Those things all seem like a lifetime ago.
I remember how worried I was when you were not walking yet. How I was so sure that you would never catch up to kids your age. Now I watch you play on the playground, not able to even recognize the fact that you were once 3 pound baby who was struggling to breathe, to eat and to live.
I will cry and have so many mixture of emotions. Are you treating others with kindness? Are you being the mean kid? Are you going to be made fun of? Will you find a wonderful group of friends, or will you be a loner? Will we spend hours upon hours trying to get you to understand your homework, or will it come easily to you? Will you be invited to birthday parties, nights out at the movies, to parties, or will you spend every weekend at home, feeling left out? Will your teachers, not only your kindergarten one, but throughout the years, see the great value that you hold? Will they know how kind you are, how much better you make this world? Will she love you too?
I hope your dad and I have instilled in you the ability to make good choices, the right choice. I know sometimes it is so hard to do that, even for adults. Will you choose to share the crayons instead of hogging them? Will you hug the child whose crying, trying to help them feel better, rather then being the one who made them cry in the first place. Please, oh please, never be the bully.
I hope over the years you choose to include me in your life. I have done my best to make you feel like you can tell me anything. Even when it is a silly little thing you want to tell me, I try to make you feel like I know it is important. I hope you always want to talk with me, ask my advice and know what I think (that's a tall order, I know).
I know you are only 5 1/2 years old and have not even made it into the double digits yet; I just have so many hopes, dreams for you. I want nothing but happiness, health, and good things for you. I want to keep all the bad things away. I know heartache, hurt, injury and drama will come your way, I just hope that I am there to help you find your way through it.
I am so excited for my sweet little girl to grow in every aspect of her life. I am not ready for this new adventure known as school, mainly because that means she is growing up WAY faster than I think is okay. Ready or not.....29 days!
***I know this makes it sound like it is just Kayla & I. I would like to clarify that she has a VERY involved dad in her life. John is so good with her and we have lots of fun together!
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